It Makes Sense In My World.

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I’m going to miss the crap out of some of them.
No more passive-aggressive Notes form the Hostess Stand posts for awhile.
I’m taking a break from customer service. 

Especially this:

The red salsa on the closest side, called ezme. Mmm Mmm Mmmmmmmm! 

I’m so hooked on it that I mix it into my rice now whenever I get rice with a kebab.

Also had this for the first time today:

Moussaka, it’s eggplant layered with ground lamb and tomatoes with a bechamel sauce and cheese baked on top.

Turkish food is the shit.
I don’t know how more people aren’t as addicted as I am. 

They were mini cupcakes from Sweet! in Waterford.

Dude, I dont care how loud or obnoxious your party of 21 is or how they have been screaming/yelling/singing for three hours disturbing all the tables around you.

I get a free cupcake? Fuck yeah we’re solid.

Also, it took me two of those hours to figure out the Birthday Girl at the table was actually a man.

It was a bizarre night.
We did roughly 340 covers by the time I left.
And now I get to stay up for a few more hours annotating sources for my group project Tuesday.

Thank. Fucking. God. I only work one day next week. I need to reboot!

But yeah,

the point of this post was that I got a free cupcake.

Also, my co-worker made the cutest face after she tried a Sweet! cupcake for the first time. Best way to make disgruntled, hungry restaurant workers happy; we are so easily bought off.

• Dude eating lunch at work today beckoned me over to his table while he was eating to hand me his application and resume. Seriously, homes? 
• Forgot about reading for a class so I bought the book about two hours before class and skimmed it. Ended up participating in discussion quite a bit. Thank God for abstract discussions and tangents! 
• Was approached by Phi Alpha Theta advisor about being a possible liaison next year between Phi Alpha Theta and UCF’s RICHES program events.
• Was asked by journalism friend if I could be cited as a contact for a story.
• WTF WHEN DID I BECOME A GROWN-UP PEOPLE TURN TO? DON’T GIVE ME THIS RESPONSIBILITY GUYS, IT’S FUCKING SCARY.
• Sorority bitches at the gym. Specifically sorority bitches who decide the spot next to where I’m trying to do squats is the best place to group talk about who hooked up with who and who saw their crush today…then give me dirty looks. This is an exercise facility, hoes. 
• My neighbors didn’t make any ridiculously loud noise all night and I slept like a fucking baby. I woke up this morning so happy and giddy because of it.
• Got offered a job working with an old friend at the Subway in the UCF Gym.
  Initial thought: “OMG WORK IN THE GYM? YES!”
  Thought about it though and realized I’m probably better off at my job now, even though it is a farther drive. It’s more pay for less hours, so I have time to do some school work, at least. Also, do I really want a customer service job at one of the few places I regard as a sanctuary from school/work and risk ruining that?  
• I got a lot of texts today from friends saying I haven’t updated them on my life and have been sufficiently absent. Welp, here ya go. Consider yourself updated. Now, I’m off to enjoy my late night dinner of salmon and leftover lavas bread and ezme/haydari, read some, then pass the fuck out for hopefully another peaceful night of sleep. <3 

It was four of my professors and their spouses. o.0

Needless to say I was kind of freaked out.

Most offenses aren’t that bad, or they’re just little mistakes that in my head I’m like “Nooo! You seemed so nice! Don’t screw up!” Some things, though, annoy the fuck out of me. I wish I could hand out a guide with each application sometimes so I can deal with less BS since I am the “screening person” for my managers during the day. 

Hence: 

When You Are Applying For A Job As a Server at a Fine Dining Restaurant:

1.   “Do you need a pen?” = “It’s a trap!”
My pens have massive fucking flowers taped to the ends. Why? Because I don’t want servers jacking my pens. I need my own pens at the front, and if left unattended or unmarked they usually wander off. However, since it may be weird when I hand a customer a pen that says “THIS IS MY FUCKING PEN AND IF YOU STEAL IT YOU BETTER BRING IT BACK TO THE FUCKING HOST STAND OR I WILL HOUND YOU FOR IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING SHIFT,” I instead opt for ridiculously distinct pens that servers can’t lie about being theirs. Which means when a manager sees you filling out an application at the bar with a massive flower pen, what does it say? It says this server didn’t come prepared. Congratulations, you are fucked from the get-go. And if you steal my pen, fuck you. I’m going to tell them you stole my fucking pen. You think I won’t notice? Hey dumbass, what’s that massive flower sticking out of your pocket/purse?

2.  Do not ask to speak to a manager during the lunch rush.

Situation awareness. Fucking use it. You’re really better off coming in during the “dead time”- 3:00-4:30p.m. After lunch, before dinner. Don’t get pissy with me when I don’t go get a manager for you right away. You’ll get look like a demanding prick if you are insistent.

3.    I’m the host, not the village idiot.

You want to talk to me like I’m a 15-year-old high school girl who is incapable of directing you where to go or explaining the situation to you? You think it’s okay to call me ‘sweetie’ or ‘dearie’ in that “I’m older than you and better than you voice?” I’m a 21-year-old graduate student getting my fucking Master’s Degree, dipshit. Not all hosts are high schoolers or ‘just paid to look pretty.’ If you’re going to give me a verbal pat on the head, I’m going to give a disgusted scoff when I hand your application to the manager.

4.    If you are asked to fill your application out in front of our full bar that has a wine list on it out and open, take a peak at both while you fill out your application unattended.

5.   . Don’t come apply with a big group of friends. And don’t pick up calls from your friends. Fuck it, just pretend you don’t HAVE friends.*
*unless your friends work here.

6.    Don’t order food while you fill out your application.

7.    Jean cut-offs, flip-flops and a tank top with holes in it? Really? You didn’t notice the white tablecloths and candles in here? You may want to take your application home with you and come back. Seriously.

8.     Be careful how you word your reason for leaving previous jobs.

“ Was late too much.” “Fired.” “Argument with management.” “Bad management.” “Missed shifts.” = Irresponsible, personal problems. “Schedule conflicts,” “relocated,” “needed more hours,” “wanted more fine dining experience” = Hi, I’d like to work harder.

9.   $$$ talks.

If asked in an interview, “How would you get drink orders for a table?” or “How would you greet a table and get them drinks?” do not say your response as “Hi! How are you? Can I get you something to drink?” Think sales. “Good evening folks, how are you? Can I start you off with a glass of wine, cocktail or something else to drink?” ß Indicates you are trying to sell higher priced bar drinks. = More $$. Same with trying to sell appetizers: “Would you like to start off with some X or X while you look over the entrees?” Dessert: “Can I get any dessert for you tonight, perhaps some of our famous X or X?”

10.    It’s been a week or more. You haven’t heard back about your application. You call and are told “Yes we’re still looking over applications, and if we decide to set up and interview we’ll call in the next couple of days.” = You didn’t get the job. Don’t keep calling. 

Imagine my joy tonight when around 7pm my manager comes by, looks at myself and the other hostesses and says,

“Kelli, go home and get your drinking done early. You open tomorrow and I need you to not call out. Be safe, don’t die, enjoy being young on New Year’s.” 

My face: 

Planning to spend tonight with some amigos then once C. is off work we’re going to both go to a house party his friends are having in Longwood.

I have $40 set aside for a cab if he isn’t okay to drive at the end of tonight. I promised my manager I’d make it to work tomorrow. 

If I can pull myself together this morning on no sleep after staying up til 6am drinking 4 bottles of champagne with C., I can manage to do it again tomorrow. ;)

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S TO ALL OF MY LOVELY FOLLOWERS.
Tonight- enjoy your accomplishments, good riddance to what got you down this year, be safe while out tonight please, and overall enjoy New Year’s.

<3 

Also, for those who enjoy the stupid shit people have said to me at work… 

Customer 1: What is Bosphorous? 

Me: It’s named after the river of Bosphorous, which is actually one of the Turkish Straits. It connects the Sea of Marmara and the Black Sea, dividing Istanbul along two continents. The bridge crossing it also called Bosphorous, which is why we have pictures of the bridge around the restaurant. 

Customer 2: So it’s the Dardanelles? 

Me: …Uh, I..uh..excuse me? 

Customer 2: It’s the same thing as the Dardanelles, right? 

Me: The Dardanelles connects the Sea of Marmara to the Aegean Sea. 

Customer 2: Right. 

Me: That’s ..on the other side of the country… 

Customer 2: Oh, haha, sorry I’ve never been to Turkey! 

Me: …neither have I..? 

It’s really hard to hold a “I’m trying not to sound rude” tone of voice when the person is being stupid.

Tip: When you apply for a job:
1) do not take a call from your bros talking loudly  about how smashed you’re getting tonight downtown and how you’re going to pick up “bitches” while you are filling out the application in front of me 
2) Don’t call me “hey you” when you’re done
3) Don’t speak to me in a snappy tone asking, “So, like, is someone going to come talk to me now or will they call me later?” How about neither.
4) DON’T STEAL MY FUCKING PEN.


Douchebag. The only person looking over your application is Mr. Trash Can. 
(My manager even told me to trash it after I told him about the guy. His words: “What kind of idiot is rude to the gatekeeper?”) 

 

Woman: Hello, I have a reservation under Benson.
Me: Yes ma’am, is it still for six people?
Woman: Six? No, no, it was for four!
Me: Oh, I’m sorry, I have two reservations under Benson and was looking at the wrong one. You’re Nancy Benson, then?
Woman: No, no, that’s not possible. Benson is a very unique name, you must’ve taken her name down wrong.
Me: … Riiiiiight…. Uh, this way, please. 

Hey Lady-

 
Olivia Benson does not approve. 

Winter. Park. Fashion. Week.

1. If you are in a busy restaurant on a Saturday night the same night as a huge event- please do not sit and chat for TWO FUCKING HOURS after you paid your check. ESPECIALLY when you see us trying to set up a large table in that section and continually hovering to look at your empty wine glasses. Because guess what? Your server lost a ten top they were waiting on all night because they needed one more table to fit. And no- no matter how much you paid for your meal of 3 and how much you tipped, it’s not worth losing a party of ten whose bill had automatic 18% gratuity and topped out over $1000. 

 2. If I take the time to run down the entire block after you leave because you had left your goodie bag from a fashion show at the table when you left, please, just fucking take it and thank me. Don’t shrug and say, “Oh you can probably toss it.” I FUCKING CARED, MAN. I MADE THE EFFORT.

3. I’m sorry to all the models who walked by today while I stood outside with free samples and your managers said you couldn’t have any. I saw the longing in your eyes. I wouldn’t have told if you had snuck some.

4.  A walk in of 15 at rush hour when we have a 12, 10, 9, and 8 reserved. That’s about the point I just say fuck it and go get the manager. 

5. If it’s the only table you see open when I walk you to it, odds are no- I don’t have anything “quieter.” We are just fucking swamped.